


It's You That I Lie with

by Ella_Emmens



Series: Neil X Charlie (For Charlie) [1]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: AND NOTHINGS CHANGING, AU, IVE BEEN IN DENIAL FOR THE PAST 30 Years, M/M, NEIL X CHARLIE, Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society) Lives, Neil lives, for love, no beta i die like patroclus, this is for my friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29823636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ella_Emmens/pseuds/Ella_Emmens
Summary: Charlie knows Neil well. Too well.And damn it if he's not going to save him.He's loved too long in silence. And what better way to say "I Love You" than saving his life?
Relationships: Charlie Dalton & Neil Perry, Charlie Dalton/Neil Perry
Series: Neil X Charlie (For Charlie) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192400





	It's You That I Lie with

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gerardpitts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerardpitts/gifts).



> Ok so, this is for my friend Charlie (ikr). Something to drive them through their exams. Which I know they'll do great in.  
> UwU Charlie ily  
> Also if you want, you should listen to the song "As the world Caves in" by Matt Maltese while you read this or this video on youtube:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-gtLiUEL3M

_My feet are aching_

_And your back is pretty tired_

Charlie hasn't felt this way in years. 

Not for a very long time, and he hates it. The worry is cold and begins in his heart, slinking like a cold snake, slithering, crawling whatever to the base of his stomach where it settles like a stone, trying it's best to pull him down. But he stays upright. Everything will be allright. 

It has to be.

Right?

He watches Mr. Perry's car disappear in the snow and if you think Mr. Keating looks worried you should realize how Charlie feels. The snow sticking to him like feathers, the worry in his stomach heavy and his cheeks red from the cold.

And the sweat down his back.

The ride back to Welton is agony. He should be there for Neil.

Neil. Whose father is an overbearing ass.

Neil, who shines like the sun.

Neil, who Charlie has loved in silence for years.

Neil, who Charlie can't help _but be so damn worried about._

Cameron notices it. He always does and surprising Charlie says nothing about it. 

Only lays a hand on his shoulder in a way that Charlie understands perfectly.

_All we can do is hope, pal_

Charlie appreciates it but he says nothing, the stone somehow becomes heavier in his stomach.

_And we've drunk a couple bottles, babe_  
_And set our grief aside_

Charlie lies quiet and waits. His mind wanders in those few moments before his patience bears fruit though. He thinks of innocent times. Neil and him playing, Neil and him in the cave, Neil calling him Nuwanda with that smile on his face and Charlie's heart starts beating in the here and now. 

Until it's not the pressure of love but that snake come to life again, coiling around his heart in a vice-like grip. 

Cameron's breath evens out and Charlie waits a few painful minutes before getting out of his bed and throwing on his boots and coat. 

He has a long way to go.

The corridor like so many nights before is empty, and without his friends and the anticipation of the cave, Charlie wants to crawl back into bed but he tells himself to remain strong. 

For Neil.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't want to wake Knox up and ask him to come with. Or Meeks or Pitts or Todd.

He makes the decision to go alone. 

If anyone's going to be expelled it should be him alone.

He goes to the Captain's room and doesn't even think before he knocks quietly on the door.

The door opens silently into the claustrophobic place and Charlie feels a pang of sympathy for the Captain until he sees his state. He looks ragged and it's clear that he hasn't slept. 

Much like Charlie.

He's worries for Neil.

Just like Charlie.

They don't speak. Nothing at all. 

Charlie stands there looking into the Captain's eyes until the older man softly exhales.

"I can't stop you can I?"

Charlie-no, Nuwanda shakes his head. 

The Captain drops some money into his student's palms and smiles. 

"Good Lad"

 _The Papers say it's doomsday  
The button has been pressed_

Instead of his friends and the joy of poetry, he only has his fear and the heavy weight of multiple pences in his palm. He looks back at welton once he's out and sighs.

Amazed at how the prison had become all because they'd realized what they had there. 

Charlie closes his eyes and smells the snow. It's crisp and tangible and he is Nuwanda once more.

Off to save his love.

He runs. 

If anyone would see him they'd say he was running for his life, and they wouldn't be wrong.

Nuwanda is running to save his life. 

To save Neil Perry.

The bus stop is empty and he pants as he looks at the schedule and he pales when he realizes that there are no buses in the wee hours of the night.

No worries, Nuwanda thinks, he'll run.

And he does.

Boy does he run, all the while his soul and heart ache for Neil.

_We're gonna nuke each other up boys  
'Til old satan stands impressed_

After pain and his lungs feeling like they're on fire, Charlie sees it. The house.

And he almost cries. 

He is Nuwanda no more. It's Charlie who is needed now and as he jogs the few paces to the house he picks up stones to throw against Neil's window. 

He trudges through the snow, towards Mrs. Perry's bushes and he wonders if Neil's allright.

He hopes Neil's allright.

His eyes remain focused on the window that is supposed to be Neil;s and he throws a rock at it only for the rock to go into the room.

_What the?_

The window's open.

And Neil's crown rests on the sill.

Oh God,

Oh dear lord, no.

It is at the same moment Charlie's eyes move from the window on the upper floor to the one in front of him.

And he nearly dies there.

Neil.

Neil stands there in the window.

Shirtless.

Pristine.

With a Gun to his fucking head.

_And here it is, our final night alive_

Charlie raps at the window and when Neil turns around, _unharmed,_ Charlie loses it.

He slams the window with his fist and Neil opens it only to be drawn into a tight hug. 

The moments blur then.

Neil's mask of happiness and 'everything is fine' crumbling.

Charlie holding him.

Neil crying.

Charlie holding him.

Neil telling Charlie what his father plans to do.

Charlie holding him.

"i-" Neil gets out, his voice cracking, "I have to get control of my life, Charlie,"

"This isn't the way," Charlie replies, his mouth against Neil's neck.

He can't pull away. 

He's too afraid of there being no pulse once he does.

"I need to break free," Neil whispers and Charlie nods into his neck.

_And as the earth runs to the ground  
Oh girl it's you that I lie with_

His whole body trembling with fear, Charlie pulls away from Neil although his hands stay glues to his back. 

"Come with me," he whispers

Neil looks beautiful in the moonlight. He always does. 

But he looks genuinely relieved when he nods and when Charlie notices the tears in his love's eyes, it takes every thing he has not to kiss them away. Instead he pulls Neil in for a hug once more. They sit there on the floor of the study, enveloped in each other's arms.

Cocooned.

Charlie kisses Neil's forehead then the tip of his nose, his cheeks and Neil lets out a sigh that makes Charlie want to do so much more. 

He kisses Neil on his closed eyes, and he impossibly pulls Neil closer still.

"I'm here with you," he says, "always"

It is then he decides that he will always love Neil, no matter how this works out. He will keep Neil in his arms and love him to death. No one will ever hurt Neil again.

And Charlie is going to love him until Neil can love himself and then Charlie will love him even more.

_As the atom bomb locks in  
Oh it's you I watch TV with_

Charlie kneels back to find that Neil's hands are on the side of his face and his are on his forearms. 

They're noses are touching, and they look into each other's eyes. 

Neil leans forward and kisses Charlie and Charlie lets him but only for a few moments. 

Neil doesn't need that right now, he pulls back and his heart pangs at the grief in Neil's eyes before he gives him a passionate peck.

"What now?"

"Now, you break free. And I'll be there with you along every step"

_As the world, as the world caves in._

Charlie hasn't felt this way in years. 

Not for a very long time, and he loves it.

He no longer has to love Neil Perry in Silence.


End file.
